This one goes out to probably one of my best friends in the entire damn world. She’s been with me through thick and thin, and honestly there’s nothing more I could ever want from a friend. Today’s her birthday, and even though we’re several states apart, that doesn’t mean I can’t bake her something Lunar style.
This one goes out to my big mama Ran-sama. Your little Chen always has your back.
First step: Lay out dat bacon like Stalin is laid in state.
We’ve replaced Stalin’s corpse in Moscow with bacon. Let’s see if the Russians care.
Next get yourself some sauce. It can be any sauce you want. BBQ works particularly well. I could show you what went into this homemade sauce, but I’m sure the picture of it would gross out a lot of people and make people question my culinary skills more so than they already do.
Here’s a hint though. Sweet Thai Chilli, Peaches, Captain Morgan’s Personal Stock, and Bacon Grease.
Next up we’re gonna caramelize some onions. This is actually a super easy process, but it takes forever.
First of all slice up some white onions and throw them in a pan with some sugar and oil. You don’t really need the sugar, but I feel as if it speeds up the process and ends with a sweeter oil. For carmelized onions you can slice them however you want, but generally you want bigger slices for reasons I’ll discuss later.
Now comes the hard part. Set your burner to a medium low heat and let it simmer. For me it took over two hours for it to reach the right color and taste, so feel free to do something else while they cook. You only want to stir every so often. The trick is to let the onions brown without burning. Just check in on it every few minutes. You’ll know when to stir.
If your onions start becoming this weird soupy mixture about an hour in just drain the liquid. Nothing too complicated.
Now I know you’re wondering why I decided to make so much? I mean it’s hard to tell but that is a huge pan and I put like four massive onions in it.
That’s what I was left with after everything was said and done. All those onions gave me like two cups of caramelized onions. Luckily you don’t need that much, and this should last you awhile.
Anyway. Let’s assemble a birthday burger suitable for the most bro of bros.
Step one: Burger with pepperjack cheese. Basic, but suitable.
Step Two: Double down on the burger. Double down on the fun.
Step Three: Bacon on deck like dem stacks on deck
Step Four: This ain’t no liver and onions son. What do you think this is? An episode of Doug?
Step Five: I know I’m going deep here for this one but hear me out. This right here is some super secret next level sandwich technology. Throw some potato chips on it. It gives it an extra crunch which helps add an extra layer to the texture and the flavor it adds is pretty legit.
Also throw your sauce on there and you’re done.
Step Six: Enjoy. A basic, no thrills burger that’s simplicity is only matched by it’s brutal all out assault on your mouth.
Happy birthday Soul Sister. You mean the world to me.